The Adventures of HYPER MAN!
by Kaori
Summary: This is the most pathetic piece of humor ever! And I wrote it AAAAAAAGHH!!!!!


Kaori: Sugaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayamachi: Good lord here we go…

Kaori: Oh c'mon, you know you love it.

Ayamachi: Yes, I do love sugar, but I don't like what it does to _you_.

Kaori: *tsk* Party pooper…

Disclaimer: How many times do I hafta _tell_ you? Gundam Wing isn't mine. Go away and let me write this fic…

WARNING: The authoress has been visited by the Happy Hyper Honcho (A.K.A. Stanley) and will be subjecting you to a rather trippy experience. Those of you with no sense of humor stop reading now…you have been warned.

The Adventures of HYPER MAN!!

By Kaori ::wipes chocolate off of her face::

Duo Maxwell looked like your average teenager, but in reality he was anything but. Being a psychotically happy gundam pilot is nowhere near normal, but his abnormality runs far deeper. For when Duo consumes mass amounts of sugar and caffeine he turns into…HYPER MAN: Defender of Insanity!! [insert fanfare and cheesy firework effects]

It was a rainy day outside and the G-Boys had decided to spend it indoors like sane human beings; all except one. He was bored as hell and things were way to quiet for his tastes. "This is horrible." He muttered.

"The weather isn't so bad Duo."Quatre soothed as he sipped his lemon tea. Duo shook his head. Poor Quatre. He didn't know that the insanity level in the safehouse was dangerously low. If somebody didn't do something soon, the whole place would slip into a Sanity Lock and things would be dull and boring for eternity!

This looks like a job for HYPER MAN!! Duo thought, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. He rushed to the kitchen. Heero watched the braided baka leave, an inkling of impending doom registering in his brain. He chose to ignore it; after all it was only Duo…

Duo set the coffee maker on percolate and rushed around the kitchen collecting all the sugary items he could find. Once the coffee was ready, he poured himself nine mugs full and set them next to the fourteen Hershey bars, thirty Kit Kats, and industrial sized box of Pixi Stix. "Stick-in-the-muds beware! HYPER MAN commeth!" Duo crowed and he gobbled up everything on the table.

A huge explosion rocked the house, knocking Wufei out of his meditation. "Maxwell…" he growled.

Back in the kitchen, Duo Maxwell was no more. Where Shinigami had once stood was a young man in a pair of cut-off jeans and a red t-shirt with a huge yellow H printed on the front. His hair was still in the braid, but it had changed to the cobalt blue of his eyes. His eyes had turned the chestnut brown that his hair had been a few moments ago. HYPER MAN grinned.

"Let the games begin!"

Trowa was watching TV in the den when Wufei came into the room. "Barton, have you seen Maxwell?" Trowa shook his head. "Hmm." Wufei said and went into the morning room where Quatre and Heero were.

Heero was at his laptop (as usual), Quatre was sitting in an armchair reading a book and sipping on some tea. "Have either of you seen Maxwell?"

"He was here five minutes ago." Quatre said.

"I saw him heading for the kitchen." Heero muttered. Wufei nodded and ran off towards the kitchen like a bat out of hell.

"Maxwell!" he shouted as he skidded into the kitchen. "What are you doing??" His eyes narrowed. "You're not Maxwell."

"Nope! I am…HYPER MAN: Defender of Insanity! [fanfare]" Wufei looked around for whoever was playing the trumpet and was hit in the face with a bag of flour. While Wufei coughed and sputtered 'injustice', HYPER MAN ran off to begin his crusade.

In the morning room, Quatre and Heero heard Wufei's cries and ran off to see what was the matter. They met Trowa in the kitchen trying to clean up the flour on the floor. "What happened in here?" Quatre asked. Wufei looked like a Chinese ghost covered in all that flour.

"I came in here looking for Maxwell, but all I found was some blue-haired boy who dumped flour all over me!"

"There's an intruder in the safehouse?" Heero frowned. "We'd better go after him, he may have done something to Duo." The others nodded in agreement and rushed to their rooms to arm themselves.

HYPER MAN was putting the finishing touches on his 'project' when a bullet whizzed passed his ear. "Stay where you are!" HYPER MAN turned around slowly to find himself looking at pilot 03.

"You dare shoot at HYPER MAN?" HYPER MAN glared.

"That's right, I do." Trowa nodded.

"Okay then." HYPER MAN shrugged and ran off. Trowa growled and rushed after him only to fall into a plot hole.

Ayamachi: PLOT HOLE????

Kaori: I told you this was a trippy experience.

Ayamachi: But why a… [Trowa suddenly falls on him] OOF!!

Kaori: I always wondered where those things led to…are you okay Trowa?

Trowa: …

Ayamachi: What about me???

Kaori: What about you?

Ayamachi: *sighs* Just go back to the fic…

Kaori: 'kay.

HYPER MAN tore like heck around the house as an irate Chang Wufei chased after him, katana in hand. "Come back here you flour throwing menace!"

"Nyeh, nyeh! Can't get me!" HYPER MAN laughed. This is fun. I wish I could do this more often…oh well, no time to think about that…here comes trap number two! "Ne, getting tired Wuffy?"

"KISAMA!" Wufei ran faster. HYPER MAN suddenly stopped running. Ah ha! Now I have you. Wufei thought. He took a flying leap hoping to tackle the intruder but HYPER MAN side-stepped out of the way and Wufei landed in a barrel of caramel. "INJUSTICE!"

"Noo, caramel." HYPER MAN grinned, and rushed off to create mayhem.

Heero was annoyed. He'd been through the entire upstairs of the safehouse and there was no sign of Wufei's blue-haired intruder. He was about to go look in the basement when he saw something white fly up the window and cover a portion of it. It was followed by several others. It took the Perfect Soldier two seconds to realize that someone was TP-ing the safehouse. "Omae wo korosu." He muttered.

Outside, HYPER MAN was standing in the backyard happily throwing toilet paper at the safehouse. He was about to let another roll of two-ply fly when he heard a gun cock behind his head. "Game over." Heero said.

"On the contrary, the game's just beginning." HYPER MAN stamped his foot on a detonator by his heel and the world went white around Heero…

Quatre was getting nervous. First Duo disappears, then Trowa, he finds Wufei in a barrel, and now something exploded. "This is getting really weird." He said to no one. Just then he noticed someone walking down the hall with a mummy on his shoulder. Quatre blinked. "Hey! Stop!" The blue-haired person pointed to his nose in a 'who me?' gesture. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"I am HYPER MAN: Defender of Insanity [fanfare]! I am here to save you all from the Sanity Lock!" Quatre shook his head, unsure of where the trumpet noise came from [^_^;;;;].

"MMMPH!!" the mummy protested.

"Oh be quiet." HYPER MAN said to the toilet-paper mummy. "I used extra soft toilet paper, what have you got to gripe about?" A puff of smoke appeared in between Quatre and HYPER MAN, a man with a suspiciously familiar green bang appeared. He was dressed like a psyche ward orderly. "Oh no! It's Reality Man!" HYPER MAN gasped, dropping the TP mummy to the floor.

"MPH." The mummy grunted. Quatre sat down on the floor in bewilderment.

"HYPER MAN, your job is done here! The balance is restored so leave." Reality Man said quietly. HYPER MAN shook his head.

"No way, I still haven't gotten that one yet." He pointed to Quatre.

"There's no need for that. Either you stop your nonsense now or I do it for you."

"I'm not stopping until I've freaked out the blonde boy."

"He's plenty freaked as it is." Reality Man pointed out; Quatre looked about ready to go ZERO.

"Good point." HYPER MAN vanished in a flash of black light. Reality Man turned his attention to the mummy.

"Now let's get you out of there." He took out a pair of scissors and cut away the toilet paper to reveal Heero. "My job is done." Reality Man vanished. Quatre fainted, and Heero went off in search of his laptop.

HYPER MAN appeared on Duo's bed; his sugar/caffeine rush wore off, his eyes and hair returned to their normal color, and he was Duo once more. "Another job well done by HYPER MAN." He sighed, and curled up in his bed to sleep.

Down the hall, Reality Man appeared in the room he shared with Quatre and turned into Trowa [now you see where the plot hole comes in]. "Once again the balance is secure." He looked down at his shoe to see a piece of toilet paper sticking to it. Rolling his eyes he removed it and threw it into the trash can.

Wufei managed to wash off all of the caramel and Quatre recovered from his faint. The Sanity Lock was avoided…for now…for whenever there is boredom and quiet in the world (or the safehouse in this case) HYPER MAN commeth!!

~END~

Ayamachi: This has to be the stupidest thing you've ever written.

Kaori: You may be right…


End file.
